HAROLD AND KUMAR 2: A REVIEW

HAROLD & kUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY (2008)

This is a second comedic adventure for this odd couple. I believe that they borrowed from Neil Simon to “create” this duo’s chemistry. Obviously, writers Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg fall quite short of Mr. Simon. Incidentally, they borrow from several well-known movies to juryrig this story. Although there are romantically throbbing hearts which propel the lads and give them motivation, whatever legitimate storyline that this director-writer team had conceived is buried under the crudeness and sexploitation which inform this film from beginning to end.

The film is racist from several angles. The chief recipients of “hate-crime” verbiage are the “white people” (portrayed typically as idiots, animals, perverts, sluts, devious “users” and dopers). Nevertheless, as the “heroes” of this flick have a taste for “white meat,” when it comes to women, their hearts beat for “whitey” (and usually vice-versa). It’s that egghead thing, doncha know? Both heroes possess levitated intellects (is it the dope?), which even a guru would envy.

Black folks don’t come off too much better. In their case it is usually misunderstanding. Guys playing basketball in the street would normally be perceived by eggheads as threatening, right? And give a black guy a government job, and he immediately shows “attitude.” Our heroes aren’t going to take that sitting down, right? The writers, Hurwitz & Schlossberg, saved the most degrading lingo toward blacks to be uttered by Neil Patrick Harris, who played the half-loony-on-drugs character, Neil Patrick Harris.

Now, it is true that some racist verbiage was put forth by white characters, but their standing as respectable people doesn’t exist in the flick. Therefore, their comments were virtually ineluctable elements of their individual, retrograde natures. Dogs bark–it’s their nature. One can’t expect otherwise. One might even mention that one “human” was a genetically misbegotten child, bearing a single, large eye–the cyclops embodiment. The cause for this “freak of nature?” Sibling mating by white “crackers.”

The story summary: College eggheads decide to go to Amsterdam to seek Harold’s heartthrob, although the relationship isn’t too developed. In fact It may be better developed in his fantasy world–but that’s good enough! Harold isn’t the only dreamer; Kumar, finally ready to enter medical school, can’t really get excited at the thought of carving on dead people. What his problem? He really like Vanessa, who nearly raped him in the library on the occasion of their initial meeting, but who is now engaged to marry a young Texan who is acquainted with President George W. Bush, and whose career is even more promising than that of a doctor. The comedic heroes grab a plane to Amsterdam, become suspected of being terrorists, are returned to the U.S.A. for intimidation & debriefing, then sent to Guantanamo to reside indefinitely at the “GITMO Hilton.” At the “Hilton” they meet zany Arab prisoners, as well as large white brutes who are into homosexual entertainment of a non-voluntary kind. They have an opportunity to split–and take it. Now, they are fugitives. They hitch a ride with Cubans sailing for Florida. They know someone from college days who lives in Miami, and they head to his posh pad where he “parties” (semi-nudest colony), and where they get help. As this includes “wheels” and “Miami Fly” duds, they are ready to hit the road in style. Of course, they have no I.D.s, etc. What’s up? They are going to seek the help of the college chum marrying Vanessa, who also knows the Prez. How will they buy gasoline to get to Texas from Miami? (Shut up! Don’t be so nosey!) This leads to various episodes through the “Southland.” Naturally, “Bambis”, gun-toting rednecks, and Klu Klux Klansmen “pop up” like—like–stale popcorn. Everything is borrowed from older films and played for “humor” of a disgusting sort, such as being urinated on. ( No people! We are not talking about “family movie” here.) They injure their car trying to escape imagined, angry Blacks (actually trying to help), and flee on foot. Homeland Security secretary, “Ron Fox” (Rob Corddry), operating at vendetta-style motivation and angered ever since learning of Harold & Kumar’s escape from the “GITMO Hilton,” is at Birmingham in a flash, checking out the car and abusing the Black folks who are handy. The lovestruck lads manage to get nabbed, are put aboard a plane for Cuba, execute another escape, using a parachute, and fall through the roof of the home of President Bush. (No, Secret Service didn’t notice.) Being eggheads, they quickly deduced that they were in the home of George W. Bush, which was made “a snap” by the numerous family photos on the mantel of the large fireplace. Soon, The Prez arrives, they all smoke dope, laugh it up, and get to tell their story to Mr. BIG. Soon, Vanessa and Kumar are meeting again, as Vanessa sought hidden reefers. Vanessa isn’t too sure of her feelings for the weasel, “Colton” (Eric Winter), and–and–suddenly Kumar, was standing beside her! Like MJ, Kumar filled a deep need within her. However, when things go amiss “bigtime,” only The Prez can help. He does. At the wedding, Kumar (Penn) gets to mathematically explain why he and Vanessa should be ONE, and Vanessa smiles agreeably. Relieved of all legal burdens, Harold, Kumar an Vanessa head for Amsterdam, where Harold’s hearthrob, Maria, is whiling away her days. Naturally, by using a crude sketch, they imagine that they will be able to easily locate Maria. When things look bad, there she is over Harold’s shoulder through the window. But whose the guy?  The threesome plunge forward where Maria is with the gent. It’s all a mistake, folks! She’s just acting in a movie, which is something no one else in Harold and Kumar are doing. Is it porno? Well, they have clothes on at this point. Hardly a moment goes by before Harold and Maria are kissing, and the actor and the cameraman are too. It’s that kind of film, folks. It seems to end happily for Harold, Maria, Kumar, and Vanessa. And that’s all folks!

Now, having given you the bare-bones story, let me mention a list of things that you can expect to see in this film: 1) Kumar on the toilet making quite a bit of racket; 2) relentless references to dope; 3) people being urinated on; 4) a plethora of young, naked women strolling around at a party; 5) male frontal nudity; 6) naked male rears; 7) prison sexual doings; deer slaying; 9) encounter with a cyclopic young female (makes sounds sort of like a porpoise); 10) Klu Klux Klan “cross-burning”; 11) women making out; 12) men making out; and 13) The Prez hiding from Dick Cheney. This is not a complete list, and my description does not really catch the relentless crudeness of the film.

The films defenders will likely say that it was all a big joke–didn’t you get it? Nope! I didn’t. And whatever it was, it wasn’t well done.

On the positive side the movie goes to great effort to get a laugh, using satire, slapstick, and adolescent snickering style to color the movie. Something in this film will strike many people as amusing. You must ask yourself: Is one in a million worth the effort?

I definitely should mention that the movie opens with a vocal by Louis Armstrong singing, “What A Wonderful World.” Nice. Thanks Satchmo!